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Will My Partner Really Change This Time?

If you partner has promised to change or has entered a batterer’s intervention program, there are signs you can look for to measure progress

It’s a positive sign if your partner:

· Stops the violence and/or threats

· Seeks professional help

· Actively makes changes, doesn’t just talk about it

· Admits that abusive behavior is wrong

· Understands that he/she does not have the right to control you

· Does not make you feel afraid

· Allows you to express anger without intimidating you

· Does not coerce you into having sex

· Respects your opinion and your right to say no

· Stops blaming you for his/her anger or frustration

· Does not humiliate or belittle you

· Does not require you to ask for permission to go out, to get a job or take independent actions

· No longer does __________________ (fill in the blank with any abusive behavior)

 

If your partner makes statements like the ones below, even after promising to change or entering a treatment program, it is unlikely that the person is truly willing to change.

 

· “I’m not the only one with the problem.”

· “I’m not as bad as other people.”

· “we need to stay together to work this out.”

· “I won’t get help unless you get help.”

· “If I weren't under so much stress I wouldn’t get so angry.”

· “Now that I’m trying to change, you must be more understanding.”

 

If you feel that you will be safer away from your partner, you have every right to leave.  Even if your partner has promised to change, the risk of violence may increase when you leave.  There are warning signs that your partner may exhibit.

 

· Trying to find you if you’ve left

· Trying to get you to come back

· Trying to take away the children

· Stalking you

 

If you are concerned about your partner’s progress and intentions to change or if you would like to talk to someone who understands, please call the Family Advocacy Program.  Our volunteers can provide information and resources to help you.